sign here

Confronting plagiarists is an act so dreadful that I find myself in a panic, having to take time out to calm myself down through breathing exercises and to rehearse a psychological narration that tells me to take it easy.

Rooted in a not-too-distant history of shocking encounters in which students have flown into an aggressive rage, all directed at me, the confrontation might (if you are me) be likened to early-childhood run-ins with bullies, whose certain postures and words you learn too late to understand as immediate predecesors to the awful swinging of fists.

Childhood traumas aside, the only way to cope, for me, is to calm down -- way down. I must think and perform empathy. I must ease into the whole thing gradually, like this:

"Good morning, _____, how are you? Good to see you. O, before I forget, let's step outside for a minute, there is something I want to run by you. Let's sit. How about on this bench over here? So, _____, you know what plagiarism is, right? MmHm. You know what I'm about to say, don't you? Yeah, I have to have you fill out this paper work . . ."

[Wait for student to deny plagiarism three or four times in a row and ask, helplessly, "How could this be happening?"]

"See here, how I've highlighted the stuff you took from this web site? And now see here where you have the same thing? I know, you must be very, very tired. Listen, go ahead and sign this -- unless you want to arrange a meeting with the Chair and explain this in a different way -- no? Okay, then sign here. Look, since this is an automatic failure, there really is no need to take the final. No need for extra stress, right? Alright, take this copy of the form and go ahead and get yourself some coffee or tea or something. And, promise me you will never, ever do this again? Promise? Good. Take care now, and don't ignore me when you see me in the hallway next semester!"

I had to do this twice today. Both times, it was blessedly easy. No anger, just a little bit of crying and eventual acceptance. In the second case, I was actually thanked.

But it is exhausting. Having always been the kind of student who was in awe of his professors and who would never dream of plagiarizing, much less raising his voice to a professor or verbally attacking any of them, I find it unbelieveable when this happens -- not just to me, but to all of my colleagues as well.

I told myself I would never blog at work, but now look what I've gone ahead and done.