protected only by the kindness of your nature

the secret is that sometimes i miss my sisters with all of my heart and i wonder what it would be like if i still lived nearby if i had not moved so many many years ago all the way down to texas to do this thing with my life about which of course i have no regrets but now that one of them my younger sister is pregnant and i mean really pregnant i feel the press of time more than usual i feel it sliding through the day the time that is not spent in her company like how i loved it when two of my houston friends got pregnant around the same time and i'd walk with them and smile it's what i want to do go for a walk with my sisters you'd think that with time one would become used to the distance and find closeness in spite of distance it is true that one certainly does but it is not a permanent state of being for all time the ache of missing comes back and i have to live with it these days i imagine a map of the u.s. by the gulf coast and picture little me just me so tiny walking down indiana street to la guadalupana for tres leches after dinner in my pajamas the sky carrot and gold the breeze just a little cool against my skin neighbors kids playing soccer in the yard the men outside the quik time food mart drinking cans of beer and then i think my sister is doing ? and i zoom out and think subway? cafe? apartment? cab? where is she now? so pregnant in her red and black stretch clothes i think cell phone email facebook blogosphere i just want to see my sisters both of them in the flesh i want to do that thing where we hug each other all three of us at once i have that antony and the johnsons song stuck in my head 'you are my sister' how does it go? you are my sister/and i love you//may all of your dreams come true.