the only way to do it (if this is you)

If you wake up, disjointed, from a long night of spring break celebrations that went on way, way too long, you might spend several minutes composing imaginary apology emails to all of those who were witness to your caterwalling and booty-dancing in the wee hours of the morning; or, you might, in an apocalyptic mood that accompanies these kinds of mornings, decide that you are actually dying, and the current raggedness you feel is only the terrifying beginning of what will surely be a long and painful decline. If this is you, go ahead and get up and immediately call your partner, who has been happily busying himself at work unaware of your impending doom, and alert him to your condition. Notice that he is unsure of what, exactly, your problem is. Be grateful that he is a pro when it comes to your eccentricities. He will gently remind you that eating some food will help put you in the right frame of mind. You will hang up and force yourself to gather your wits about you only to discover that you tossed the last pair of contact lenses onto the bathroom floor before passing out the night before, and you will quickly call and then drive to the optometrist to pick up some new ones. On your way, the appeal of miso soup and steamed kale with rice will be so great that you will steer yourself in the direction of the vegan buffet out on Richmond, only to learn that, since today is Monday, and the chairs are all turned up on the tables, the restaurant is closed. Initially, you will be devastated by this unfortunate circumstance, and you will stand in disbelief in front of the restaurant for a couple of minutes, trying to will it to open right then and there with a fresh pot of miso soup ready for your ladeling. Fortuantely, in the last analysis, what seems like an upset will actually be serendipitous because the buffet at the vegetarian Indian food place on Kirby has that clear-brothed, very hot and spicy soup that cures any body that's trying to crash through its spring break like yours. You will notice the effects immediately and practically come to tears as you pay your bill, eternally thanking the cashier for his righteous existence. If this is you, go ahead and treat yourself to a cup of coffee at the fancy little cupcake place that's opened up down the block before you head home to call the plumber. The caffeine will be excellent, and you will drink it as you simultaneously watch the plumber fix the sink and type yourself a new blog entry.